My 2 1 2 Year Old Hits His Baby Sister
Few things can make y'all 2nd judge your parenting skills more than seeing your toddler whack another kid. But while this beliefs may be mortifying, it'southward not your fault, and it doesn't mean your child will abound up to be a bully. "I call toddlerhood the 'hit stage' of development because this behavior can be common in children between 1 and ii years old," says Deborah Glasser Schenck, Ph.D., director of Family Support Services at Nova Southeastern University, in Fort Lauderdale.
Go on reading to learn nigh the reasons behind the aggression, with tips on how to go your toddler to cease hit.
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Causes of Toddler Striking
Toddlers may not realize that hitting can hurt, because a sense of compassion isn't completely in place until about age 3. Even if your child grasps the idea, she may not be able to restrain herself—i-year-olds accept virtually no impulse control.
"Toddlers don't all the same fully understand their emotions or anyone else's, so they don't intentionally hurt someone's feelings," says Edward Carr, PhD, leading professor in the section of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. Their reasons for hit are innocent plenty—and they ordinarily fall into one of these categories.
She'south trying to communicate. Like everyone else, toddlers become bored, hungry, tired, and overwhelmed. The difference is they lack the verbal skills to communicate these emotions, which tin can make them even more frustrated. "Since your toddler's vocabulary isn't fully developed yet, she's more likely to use her body to show her feelings or to strike dorsum in disagreement," says Miriam Schechter, G.D., a pediatrician at The Children's Hospital at Montefiore, in the Bronx, New York.
He's defending his turf. Y'all've probably noticed that your child hits more than often on the playground or at a playdate. The reason? He's surrounded by a bunch of kids who grab his toys, push him down, or simply invade his space—and they don't necessarily listen when he tells them "Stop!" or "Mine!" Non acting out in anger requires impulse control, which kids don't fully master until they're older.
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She'south having a bad twenty-four hour period. When your toddler has an off day, he may simply lash out because he's cranky and doesn't have many coping skills. "Even kids who don't striking or bite often can lose control when they're stressed or at the end of a long 24-hour interval," says Dr. Schechter.
Credit: Sarah Noda/shutterstock.com
He's imitating someone else. Your child may have seen his older sibling and his pal punching it out, and at present he wants in on the action. "For some children, there'due south a trial-and-error gene," says Parents advisor Jennifer Shu, Thousand.D., a pediatrician in Atlanta. "They see another person hitting and remember, 'Hmm, let's encounter how that feels.'"
She's temperamental by nature. Some children—those who are less piece of cake-going past nature—are predisposed to leading with their fists or teeth. "A lot comes downward to temperament," explains child psychiatrist Stanley Turecki, Yard.D., author of The Hard Child. While some kids will just shrug and move on when someone snatches Elmo out of their hands, others get into street-fighter fashion
He's trying new things. Toddlers like testing cause and effect—"If I do this, what will happen?" They're also using the just tools they have, says Theodore Dix, PhD, associate professor of homo evolution and family unit sciences at the University of Texas at Austin. "They don't have the skills to go what they want in a reasonable way, so they may human activity pushy or overly defiant," he says.
She needs her space. Toddlers don't have a skillful grasp of spatial relations. So they often find themselves cornered in a small-scale surface area, too close to other kids. As a reflex, they endeavour to hitting (or claw or bite) their mode out.
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Solutions for Toddler Striking
The way you react to your child'south lashing out is the fundamental to nipping information technology in the bud. Here's a general guideline: Get down on his level, look him in the heart, and say in a calm, stern voice, "No hitting. Hitting hurts." Over-explaining is lost on fiddling ones and may backfire. The more you lot engage your kid in discussion, the more attention she gets from being aggressive.
If he hits again, remove him from the state of affairs and put him in a 1-minute time-out, suggests Dr. Schechter. "When you subject area your kid every fourth dimension he hits, he'll acquire that there's no excuse for violence," she says.
Hither are nine more tips for how to subject area a toddler who hits.
Pinpoint the reason. Pinpointing the reason why your toddler is upset can be tough at this age: Is she hitting because she's annoyed she tin't notice her favorite toy? Or does she want a snack? Help her put words to her gestures. If she slaps at the sippy cup of juice because it'due south not what she wants, for example, answer, "You want milk! Say, 'milk.'"
Prevent a hit incident. Notice what spurs your kid to smack, slap, or punch, and and then human activity preemptively. "Enquire yourself, Does he strike when he'due south tired or hungry, when he's in a large grouping, or when he has to make transitions?" suggests Elena Labrada, One thousand.D., a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Menlo Park, California. Make sure he takes routine naps, pack snacks if necessary, and fix him for transitions. If your son has hit in the past because he wanted a friend's favorite toy, for instance, ask the other child'south mother to put the toy away during visits.
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Endeavour not to lose it. Some kids believe that whatsoever kind of attention beats no attending at all. So if you freak out when your child does something wrong, she'll be intrigued ("Wow, Mommy went crazy!") and she'll have incentive to act upwards again.
Evidence some empathy. Your child can't really understand her feelings of anger or frustration at this historic period, but it'south notwithstanding a adept idea to label these emotions for her. Endeavour saying, "You must be so mad that Sam took the yellow bus," or, "I'll bet you lot're angry that Mommy won't allow yous climb onto the coffee table." At the same fourth dimension, employing positive reinforcement—such equally praising your child when she shares a toy or uses a gentle touch—will inspire amend behavior down the road.
Tie kids' deportment to other people'southward feelings. Toddlers take a limited understanding of how their behavior affects others. Your kid needs to know how his friend felt when he got striking. Say, "That hurt Sam and made him feel bad." Tell him you know it'due south hard to share, but hitting someone is not the right thing to do.
Teach problem-solving skills. Use imaginary play to help your child learn positive ways to resolve a glutinous situation. Yous might pretend to be some other child who has taken your toddler's favorite toy. Teach him how to use his words ("That's my toy—delight give information technology back"), and if that doesn't work, tell him he should ask an developed for aid. Act out these scenes oft so that the lessons sink in.
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Implement a distraction. You can ease tension by introducing another toy or game. "Distracting the kids with a new activeness is oftentimes the easiest way to diffuse a dispute," says Erin Floyd, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist in Atlanta. If kids are fighting over a toy, requite it a infinitesimal to see whether they can resolve the conflict on their own. But when it looks like it's going to escalate into striking, say: "If yous tin can't take turns, I have to take the truck away." And don't permit your child go on a plaything that he's snatched aggressively. By making him give information technology back, you're letting him know that being rough won't go him what he wants.
Monitor his media consumption. It's of import to monitor everything your child watches—even cartoons—to make sure the programs don't contain any violence. Researchers accept establish that children who are exposed to vehement images in the media are more probable to be ambitious themselves.
Don't hit your child. Even if you lot believe that spanking is appropriate subject field for an older child, y'all should never spank a 1-year-old. "At this age, your child is developmentally unable to connect your hit him, however gently, with annihilation that he may have done," explains Dr. Turecki.
The Lesser Line
Remember that there'due south no malicious intent when a toddler hits. Your lilliputian ane means well—she just needs to learn better ways to express her needs and wants, which will happen in time. "Toddlers become through these stages for a month or two," says Dr. Turecki. "Anything that is short-lived is usually nothing to worry about."
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Source: https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/behavioral/tough-toddlers-4-common-triggers-for-hitting-and-biting/
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